Simple strategies for overcoming peer pressure and drug use

JUNE 11, 2012 BY

If a father spends time with a child when they’re young, a child is more likely to feel like they’re a valuable person. When it comes to doing drugs, they’re more likely to say something like, “Thanks but no thanks. I don’t need it. I don’t need the drugs to feel worthwhile or special.” That’s a subtle but wonderful thing that can happen to a child that has a rich, close relationship with a father and a mother all through their life.

When you’re a teenager, the peer pressure is wanting to fit in, be like everyone else, and go along with things. That’s huge. It’s pretty well-known that peer pressure is, in many ways, feels more important or more immediate to a teenager than what mom and dad think. Teenagers should have a simple strategy to get through it. What you don’t want to do is make a teenager have to live in confrontation all the time with peer pressure.

If a teenager has to fight all the time against peer pressure, then it makes it really hard. But a teenager can be given ways of sneaking through. For example, they might say, “Look, if you guys want to do it, that’s fine. I’ll just give it a miss for the moment. Thanks. I’m OK with this drink now,” or, “I’m OK. I’m fine, guys.” In other words, they’re not creating a confrontation by saying, “Look at me. I’m better than you,” or “You’re doing the wrong thing.” They learn how to say no, but in a subtle way. Then they’re not actually living in confrontation with that peer pressure. They are just quietly living their own life, continuing to be with their peers.

However, many teenagers will experiment. Many teenagers are going to go to a rave party and take some ecstasy. The problem with drugs is the addiction. Those who continue to take stuff and feel they need to do this to feel better, or to create war stories with their friends.

When a dad or mom finds the tablet in the handbag or the weed bag of dope at the bottom of the cupboard, what is the best to respond? Out of anger, frustration, and fear, it’s easy to say the wrong thing, such as, “You stupid boy, you stupid girl. This is dangerous. You’re being stupid.”

If you tell a child they’re stupid often enough, then they will just assume that they are stupid. There are better ways to say it. An example of what to say is, “Look, this is not good. It’s potentially really bad. I believe you’re better than that. I honestly believe you’re better than that. Of course you’re grounded, but we can work through this together because you’re better than that. You are a wonderful person and we’re going to get through this together.”

A zero tolerance approach is a tricky one because different families are different, and they hold different values. Some people, for example, will allow certain activities. Binge drinking is another problem. Many parents will allow their older teenagers to have something to drink. If a child is binge drinking, it may be that the parents are working out strategies to minimize that. Binge drinking provides kids with tremendous social acceptance. They can get away with all sorts of things.

Parents sometimes try to work out ways to reduce their risk, accepting that they’re going to do these things, and that’s wise in certain circumstances. However, a zero tolerance policy of drugs that can do damage is good, and the reason is that zero tolerance combined with love, affection, and rich time with kids, combined with that way of disciplining kids, builds up their self-esteem rather than destroying it. It replaces unwanted activities with rich times with parents and family.

Another strategy is to find good peer pressure. Try and help your kids to be involved with other people who would provide good peer pressure. If you’ve got friends or kids that provide that, start doing things with them. Rather than it being a permanent confrontation, start working on building up all the things within and around the child that are going to vaccinate them against doing drugs.

This article is an excerpt from Bruce Robinson’s interview with the ABC. Audio reproduced with permission.
Listen in to hear the whole interview using by clicking on this audio link.